118 days...

It has been almost 4 months since I graduated. It seems like yesterday, but then again it seems like forever ago. Am I happy with things right now? For the most part. Am I doing what I thought I would be doing? No. So now I'm somewhere between happy, content, confused, scared, and unsure. I don't really know where to go from here. I have gotten use to this life, but I feel like this isn't all I am capable of doing. I was okay with living with my parents and working for my granddad this summer because I knew they really needed help at the office. There was no reason for me to live by myself when I didn't have a full time job, so even though living with my parents isn't what I wanted to do, it was the only thing that made sense. I am tired of applying for jobs and getting rejection letters, but I keep trying. I went to dinner with Erica and Brandon last night, it only made me want to move. When we lived in College Station, Erica and I would see each other almost every day. Now, I'm lucky if we get together once a month. I hate that. I know things could be so much worse right now, which is why I try to be greatful for what I do have, but it's so frustrating sometimes. Every day at work someone asks me if I'm stayng there permanatley or what can of job I'm looking for and I hate that I don't have an answer. I absolutley hate the unknown, I like for things to be organized, planned, and scheduled and that is not what my life has been like at all. Who knows what is going to happen tomorrow, I guess I'll go to work, come home, apply for jobs, go to sleep, and start over the next day. If only Erica and I had the money to open our dance studio....I know its wishful thinking although we did talk about a few things last night and can hopefully start serioulsy getting a plan soon.